I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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