i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
