Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
