I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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