No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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