ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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