Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
