I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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