this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
