I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
