Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
