just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
