With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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