Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
