I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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