i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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