i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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