so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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