im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize