Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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