First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
