Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
