Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
