The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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