Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think my fart just growled at me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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