broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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