it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
