What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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