Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
