remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Farmville is her only friend.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
