when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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