I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
