bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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