I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i think i have two assholes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
