Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
