She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.