just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience