my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize