all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
