Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
