A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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