I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
