all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
