i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
