Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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