I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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