Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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