Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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