don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
