life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't deserve a penis
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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