And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
