I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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