There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
