yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I deserve this hangover.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
