There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
