Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
