he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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