peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
