you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
