My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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