she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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