if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
